is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
