thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Your cock deserves a montage
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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