It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
