i don't like sucking hair
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We need to get me chipped asap
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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