census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
