Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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