In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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