Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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