Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
