We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize