We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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