Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
