i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I party with great urgency now.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
