____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We're too hungover to prance.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
