I like to think it a success when the cops are called
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
