It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
