I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
