you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my being single is dangerous.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
