Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i don't plan on having that self control this summer

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(870): View more from Arkansas

These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.

Fav 15 4297 889
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(904): View more from Florida

took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.

Fav 9 3307 1183
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(585): View more from New York

Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right

(631): View more from New York

Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15

(585): View more from New York

hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos

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(760): View more from California

No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.

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(850): View more from Florida

Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.

Fav 2 1250 681
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(908): View more from New Jersey

She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.

Fav 2 428 764
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(520): View more from Arizona

What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.

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