The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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