My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize