I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
