barbara walters just said penis...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
