so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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