Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
