My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
