I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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