Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
