Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
