I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
