Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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