Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
