She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
