yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize