Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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