I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
