she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
