Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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