but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
