kristin has been a bad kristin
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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