Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
