Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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