He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
