And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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