when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
