2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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