Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
