it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
