i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
