i barfeds in our rink
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
