If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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