ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
