Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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