are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
