I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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