Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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