we have officially lost it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
