i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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