so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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