Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
