Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
