I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize