Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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