I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
