exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
