I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize