He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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