So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
