If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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