i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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