Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
